How to Deal With Passive Aggressive Patty
I must admit, when it comes to being an office drone/clone, I am certainly not the shining example. And even though I’ve grown to tolerate a lot of shit, there is one type of cubical succubus whom I just CAN NOT FUNCTION around: The Mrs. Infamous herself- Passive Aggressive Patty.
We all know her. The clear heaux in the office who bombards you with questions on Monday morning like, “How was your weekend?” & “So, did you hang out with friends?” You try to give her the one word, “fine…” in return, but it just seems that her unrelenting and incessant barrage of prying questions won’t seem to let up.
And just when it seems like you have finally dodged every prying inquisition she could possibly come up with, she slinks back over to your desk and revs up her passive aggressive BS. “Hey, do you feel like…yadayadayada?” “Do you think you can…blah, blah, blah?” Well, my friends, fear not. For I have penned an open email that you can use as a template for your very own Passive Aggressive Patty-Be-Gone needs:
12:17pm
Hello Passive Aggressive Patty:
Look, I’m going to cut right to the chase. I am tired of you coming over to my desk and asking me if I FEEL like doing something. I guess you were in for a huge fucking surprise when I told you earlier today that I, in fact, didn’t FEEL like doing whatever the hell it was that you asked me I felt like doing. And in turn, you were mad because you ended up doing the project by your own damn self.
Next time, if you would like me to do something, just ask me to do it. We are not friends or acquaintances. Honestly, I loathe your presence. But, we are co-workers so I am forced to tolerate your existence. So there’s no need to attempt to create small talk with me, before getting to the real reason why you Cupid Shuffled your ass over here to my desk.
Oh, and I dare you to bring up an issue you have with me in our staff meeting next week. Just because you didn’t mention names or look in my direction when you were voicing your “concerns in the office,” I knew what was up. Try me if you want to. Don’t let this calm demeanor fool you. Remember… I am a scary Black man.
Oh and one more thing, you were in such a rush the last time you were over here that you forgot your ID card on my desk. I will not be walking over to hand it to you. I brought my lunch today, and I need to go get it from the office kitchen. But I DOUBLE DARE you to come over to my desk while I’m not here, and take something off of my desk. So, I’ll see you in a few.
Best,
Fed Up Freddy
